Why won't my son read to me?

My husband and I are avid readers. We both always have been and always will be.

We have read to both our boys since they were old enough to listen. We gave them picture books made of thick cardboard, explaining pictures and words. They both had plastic bath books to read, suck on and chew on as they felt like in the bath. Both boys were encouraged with role playing about the books that we were reading to them, using teddy bears and other soft toys to represent characters in the book. Both boys had several books read to them in bed each evening before going to sleep. Even when they were reading books themselves we used to read to them.

Reading is great if someone else is doing it.

As our oldest started school he discovered that reading was fun. For a while. Then he stopped wanting to read aloud to us. According to him he loved us reading to him, but wasn't so keen to read back to us. So through the first few years of school we tried so many different techniques. I must admit we even resorted to bribing him. Of course that didn't work. 

As parents we worried that we hadn't been a good enough role model for reading. So we made time each evening to sit with him and just read. He could read quietly with us. Of course we were worried that he wasn't reading correctly because we couldn't hear him pronouncing the words. So we went to see his teacher. Encouraged that he was reading aloud at school, and doing very well at it we stopped worrying quite so much. 

Then came the note home from the teacher in year 2. This note asked if we could come and see her about reading issues our boy was having. Ah ha we thought. That's it. He must be having been struggling with reading and feeling embarrassed when reading out to us. According to the teacher our boy just seemed to be having reading. No explanation as to why. Helpful. Nope!. So we got his eyes checked, maybe he was having trouble with his eyes. 

We bought books. Books about dinosaurs, books on planes and even books about soccer. None of these seemed to do the trick. During his primary years he read what he had needed to for school and not much more really. Then one day we walked into his room and he was sitting on the bed reading a book to his little brother. Hallelujah! I quickly rushed back with the camera and took a photo. (See below...)

My oldest reading to his little brother.

When I asked him why he was reading to his brother he told me that reading is important so his little brother needed to know this.

So maybe we hadn't wasted our time. 

I remember always reading to my little brother.

Interesting enough was the fact that in high school he started reading books cover to cover all by himself. Books of his choice, still they were real books with real words and very few pictures.

For his 21st Birthday his little brother gave him the entire series of Game of Thrones books. Interesting how things change with age.

Should we have worried? 

According to the Victorian Department of Education and Early Childhood 'Reading to children at age 4-5 every day has a significant positive effect on their reading skills and cognitive skills (i.e., language and literacy, numeracy and cognition) later in life.' This information comes from a research paper by the University of Melbourne. If you want to read this Click Here.

There is an organisational website called RIF (Reading is Fundamental) and on this site is an article about kids who can read but simply don't.  In this article it lists Why some kids don't like to read and What won't work when encouraging them. Most parents of kids that don't read probably try a number of different methods for getting their kids to read. If you are interested Click Here to read the article. 

There is also a list of 20 ways to encourage kids to read. I think over time my husband and I tried all of these. 

In the end he reads. Did he go to University? No. He did end up being a fully qualified trades person who topped his year in study and is now considering putting himself through Uni in a few years time with his trade to help him. 

My thoughts are that at the time the worry was worth is. In the end everything we did seemed to work, it just took it's time. 

Reading to a dog?

This is an interesting idea starting up in schools in Tasmania Australia. School children are reading to dogs instead of adults or other children and it seems to be taking away some of their fears of reading aloud.

Just a note that our youngest is an avid reader. So we are at least a little more worry free this time around. Phew!

What books are a favourite with your children?

I'm not tired!

I don't want to go to bed!

Children need sleep. How do I know this? Well I can do some research and find out that children need down time, they need to rewire their brain and they need sleep for their bodies to grow.

On The Valley Sleep Center website where it tells you that
"The importance of sleep cannot be overstated. The damaging effects of sleep deprivation are evident everywhere you look.  For children the stakes are even higher, the consequences more dire and farther reaching." It then goes on to list 10 reasons that children need sleep:
1.      It Gives Their Body a Break
2.      It Lets Their Brain De-clutter
3.      It Helps Regulate Emotions
4.      It Helps Them Grow
5.      It Builds Up Their Resistance
6.      It Protects Their Mental Health
7.      It Helps Them Make and Keep Friends
8.      It Helps Them Stay Healthy
9.      It Lets Them Learn
10.    It Gives Them Energy
For more information on this list click here

On an Australian parenting website it reminds us that:
"Toddlers need 10-12 hours sleep a night. Most of them can do with an hour or two in the middle of the day as well." Along with lots of info about bedtime routines.

On the WebMD website about children's health it explains about good sound sleep for your child. How "sleep ensures he or she will have a sound foundation for proper mind and body development".

Reading to and with Chldren can be a useful way to get them to bed.

However being a parent means that I have a much simpler way of telling that children need to go to sleep. This is because not only do they get tired and grumpy without it, so do I.

Setting a bedtime routine is really important. I have tried to be strict enough that they follow the rules, with enough flexibility to allow for holidays and nights out. This is really difficult. One of the rules of thumb I have always followed is to figure out if it is best for the child or for me. Having a regular, and decent hour, bedtime is a rule that is best for all members of the household.

One of the first things I learned about getting children who can talk, into bed either in the day or at night is don't argue over bedtime. That is just a formula that ends in tears for all involved. I remember the first time my oldest decided that he no longer needed a day sleep.
"Why do I have to go to sleep?" he asked. My answer was "because you are tired". Of course the response was "no I'm not". Then I tried to reason with "you must be, we just spent the last 2 hours running around the park, playing on swings, climbing up equipment and having races", to which the yawned response was "nope". End of discussion as far as he was concerned. Great so what now? Well I did let him stay up and what happened? You guessed it, he collapsed in a heap on the floor in the middle of playing with his toys right before I served dinner.

Did I consciously allow that to happen again? Not on your life. Naturally there where times when it did happen, however each time I knew what I was in for. From then on I used to insist on at least a time of laying down, with many of these ending up in sleep. Yay!

As children get older. They start to struggle against bedtime. Part of it is pushing the boundaries. As they age bedtime gets pushed to be later and later in the night. The most difficult thing to do is to keep to the bedtime that you have set. Being strict about bedtime is hard! Sometimes you end up moving your whole routine around so that you can get them into bed at the right time.

I'm not tired!

There is some great info on the Empowering Parents website. Information for parents of both young and older children. On this site it says: "As every parent knows, fights over bedtime can be one of the biggest power struggles you’ll have with your child, whether they’re five or fifteen. 
The truth is, many kids just don’t want to go to bed at night. For most of them, I think it’s because they’re afraid they’re going to miss something." Yes, yes and yes.
Also - "FOR YOUNGER CHILDREN 
Realize that the problem-solving skills of younger kids are less evolved; they often have problems with impulsivity and frustration control. 
If going to bed is frustrating for them, it’s likely that their behavior is going to escalate into an unpleasant situation." Yep!
And this - "FOR OLDER KIDS
Take the Electronics out of the Bedroom 
Check in on Your Kids before Lights out". A big tick on that one.

I love my boys and will do everything I can to give them a happy life. But when it comes to going to bed you better believe that it's one of the rules I really try not to break.

Every household is different and every child is different. If you find that you or your kids are struggling with anything here in Australia there is always Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

or

Parentline - click here for the different phone numbers for each state.